Paranoid Parent…Who me???

I have always thought other people were a little over anxious about what could be wrong with their baby. I mean really…what could possibly go wrong. When you look at the statistics, it simply doesn't seem possible for there to be something wrong ALL the time. So the kid sneezed, hiccuped, had watery eyes…Who cares?!? They will live, right?!? Well, I have continued with this thought process of how crazed other parents were until that fateful day when I became a mom…

I would say in general, I am a really positive person who looks at the world through rose colored glasses; however, when it comes to my baby I seem to make mountains out of mole hills. So I am learning that some of it is the doctors/nurses fault (yes, I said that), some of it is me being a paranoid parent and the some of it I grow out of every single day as I gain confidence in me and the kid. And yes, the kid is still breathing from the last time I checked 30 seconds ago :)

Ok, so here's a few examples of why I say sometimes "its the doctors and nurses fault:"

Example 1: Well, you all know that I had quite the birth story. So as soon as the little man was out of the womb and into the real world, I went into a tailspin. What if he wasn't healthy? What if he looked funky? What if, what if, what if...For the first time, it hit me…me and the hubs were now parental units. Holy guacamole! Who thought this was a good idea??? I didn't even know how to change a diaper and I am now a mom…OY!!! Any how, the first thing the nurses yell out about the little man is…he has 10 fingers and 10 toes…OK, we knew that from all the ultrasounds. But hey, the womb is a funny place, you never know if the little man decided to grow an extra toe in the last few weeks to be more like my brother. Yup! My brother has eleven toes…fancy huh?!? Well our little guy wasn't luck enough to have an 11th toe but he was quite the sight when he came out. The left side of his face was completely smushed up and wasn't moving as well as a cone head full of hair reminiscent of Marge Simpson. The nurses looked at the baby and then at the hubs and me and said "isn't he beautiful???" Ummmmm…I know this is where I am supposed to say yes and burst into happy tears…but did they seriously just say that??? Well within a minute or so, the little guy's face came to and the hubs said he was definitely a-ok by the time the umbilical cord was cut and he was weighed. OK, so speaking of weight he only weighed in at 6 lbs 7oz…Huh?!?! I put on like 60 pounds and that was all the little guy weighed. Seriously?!?1 I was quite convinced he would be at least the size of a decent butterball turkey…oh well! So about an hour later in the post op recovery room, I was attempting to nurse when a nurse came flying in asking if our little guy was the baby with paralysis his face…ummmm What paralysis??? Was there something else we didn't know??? Did she have to say it so nonchalantly??? I know nurses and docs deal with several babies a day but we as new parents have this one experience. So after much panic and tears…we were assured that all was good on the healthy baby front

Example 2: Once you have the baby and move into postpartum, it seems like there is always someone coming in to check your physical recovery, blood pressure and temperature. As soon as that is done and you are about to close your eyes for a little snooze, someone else comes in to check the babe's temperature, heart rate, amount he/she has eaten and the diaper count. So herein lies the "it's their fault I am paranoid." Nurses and doctors seem to always be concentrating particularly hard and take a long freaking time when they check the babe's heart rate. I think they monitor it for over a minute and while doing it they have silence in the room and furrow their brows. As a new parent, you are thinking it only takes them a mere moment to check mine, is the baby ok? The answer is generally yes. I guess newborns have irregular breathing and heart beating patterns and that is completely normal. It takes them about a minute to get a good idea of the pattern. So here is where I say it is their fault that I am paranoid. They don't tell you this…it was only after several doc appointments before the hubs asked and they told us this and we both let out a HUGE sigh of relief. I also learned at this same doctor appointment that babies tend to have have heart murmurs when they are first born and grow out of it within a couple months. WOW! So much to learn…

Well the last 4+ months have been nothing short of a fast learning curve for me. From learning the fastest way to get boogers out of my little guys nose (thanks NoseFrida), to combatting acid reflux and mastering the art of nursing…life has certainly changed from a year ago…next up teething…

Hitting Pause and Taking it All In

Every day begins with hustle and bustle at the Crownholm household. The hubs gets up WAY early to work on the computer usually right at the same time when I am finally taking in some much needed REM sleep. Once I do get up a couple hours later…it seems that in a flash the day is gone. From taking a quick morning shower, to putting check marks on the To-Do list, nursing the man, going to a parenting class, cooking and cleaning, etc…there doesn't appear to be too much extra time in the day to spare. I used to wonder what stay at home moms did all day…lets just say I don't wonder any more. In fact, I wonder how I could work a 40 hour work week from home and still get everything done and be sane. The hubs always reminds me that something always has to give. Sometimes its the home cooked food and other times its simply prioritizing the to do list. Either way, lately it seems that I have lacked time to hit pause for a moment and reflect on all the blessings I have. I was reminded to do this just a few minutes ago after reading some overdue emails. It seems that in the last week, I know of several amazing people that are or have dealt with some serious illnesses in their families and were simply asking for some thoughts and prayers during their difficult time. It seems that all in an instant, life seems so much clearer. Life is short. Life is a blessing and I have so much to be thankful for. So to all my family and friends, I am thinking of you all now and thinking how grateful I am for each and every one of you. So if you get a chance, take a minute today to hit pause today and reflect on all of life's blessings.

Just when I thought I had a plan...

Its so funny how life can have a totally different plan than the one that I had for myself. Never in a million years did I imagine being a stay at home mom. For all of you that now me, domesticated is not exactly synonymous with my name. I have always loved working and growing professionally especially as of late when I was working for a family foundation. My entire life, I always thought that I would get married, get pregnant, have a fabulous/glowing pregnancy, have the baby and return to work 12 weeks later. HA! I am honestly laughing out loud as I write this post. This is so not what happened…well the first two parts are true. I did marry my best friend and we did get pregnant. Easy pregnancy…I think not! Fabulous and glowing pregnant woman…I beg to differ. I did gain an obscene amount of weight while eating like a rabbit but we did give birth to our healthy, precious baby boy. Return to work…NOPE! In all seriousness, I did try to and there were so many forces working against me that we decided that it was meant to be that I stop working and hang with the little man who laughs at the face bottles. You are thinking to yourself that this would be awesome…right??? Not in the least bit. I love having him with me all the time but since he eats on demand it makes it quite difficult to enjoy a nice big glass of wine or go out to dinner with the hubs. One day….

Not working has brought on a totally new set of adjustments…I don't think I have ever thought about not working. So when it happened all of a sudden, I went through an identity crisis. Kind of like the same one I went through when I officially changed my name after I got married. Its strange. With the name change, I'm the same person on the inside with a new id on the outside. Now, I am the same person on the inside and outside with a new job title, Director of Daily Operations at the Crownholm Household. Yes, it's a self appointed position and title, but I really needed some sort of job with a description to make me feel proud of myself at the end of the day/week/month. When you are working, every time your boss tells you "good job" or a project is finished on time, you feel a sense accomplishment. Being a stay at home mom, you don't get that. Nobody tells me how wonderful your laundry folding is or that you vacuum with such finesse. Nursing your kid also seems to pose the same problem, although I will say that as of late the little man smiles at me after every feed or gives me a pat on the chest. I take that as it was a good feed or job well done mom :)

Even yesterday, the hubs, the babe and I went to a Sign Language class at Day One. Now, I frequent Day One frequently….do I really need to say that I go there almost every single day for a class of some sort. Now, you would think that another weekend class would be a piece of cake. Not even! We get there early, sign in, feed, diaper change, weigh the man and sit down at our seats. Everything appeared to going well and we were the first people there. As the class filled up and the instructor began, the little mister decided he would rather us not learn sign language to communicate with him. He promptly directed me to the room outside the classroom where there were rocking recliners. He was thinking that at noon he would prefer to eat and take a siesta. So we left 30 minutes later with a book on sign language and left to our own devices to learn how to sign properly.

So, I guess the moral of the this story is that just when I think I have made a plan for myself, life or something like it has a whole other one. Such is life!