From Tiaras to Teething Rings: Taboo Topic #1: Who's down with PPD…I guess maybe ...

From Tiaras to Teething Rings: Taboo Topic #1: Who's down with PPD…I guess maybe ...: "So I have gone back and forth as to write about this. I know a blog is 'supposed' to be an online diary but some subjects still seem a littl..."

Taboo Topic #1: Who's down with PPD…I guess maybe me?

So I have gone back and forth as to write about this. I know a blog is "supposed" to be an online diary but some subjects still seem a little taboo, like this one…the dreaded post partum depression (ppd). ok, so it sorta makes me feel like a crazy person for even saying that I have been dealing with ppd. No, I am not a stage 5 Bay Bridge clinger but certainly past the "baby blues" stage. If I had to place myself in a stage, I would go with Stage 2 Cave Dweller. This stage stage includes wanting to crawl into a cave with my hubs and little guy stuffing my face full of chinese food and cupcakes. Its so funny that I have said this to a few people that I have had this and their reaction is "oh you are just adjusting to motherhood." No, I am not…well yes, I am…but my hormones are WAY more out of whack than just being a new mommy. I cant speak for everyone here but I have never really had hormonal issues until now. Somewhere in the six weeks after giving birth to the little senor, I had a few afternoons of crying while watching the Real Housewives of Somewhere…Really?!? I cried during a Bravo reality show. Oy! I should have known right there that something was wrong. I mean I love me some Bravo shows but usually they make me laugh and smile….not cry! But my strange mood appeared to be a-ok based on what I read online about post birth hormone fluctuation. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I was reading my little guy a book, "That's Not My Monster," and started crying that I knew something wasn't right. I mean it is really sad to go through the entire 8 pages of the book of why it wasnt my monster. Was it because the monster's paws were too rough or its nose was too blobby. I desperately needed to know was which one was my monster. My monster has the fluffy ears! So I am getting little off topic here, my roundabout point is that when you start bawling your eyes out reading a super cute book to your baby who is laughing, something isn't right. I called my hubs right away. Through my tears and muffled speech, I think he gathered that I was having some sort of ppd but was still safe to myself and the kiddo. So this is where I find this subject to be taboo. You shouldn't have to make it point to let someone know that you are not in post partum psychosis just some stage of depression. It seems that everyone assumes that if you are having any sort of ppd you are the Stage 5 Bay Bridge clinger which I am not. I was just somewhere else on the spectrum past Stage 1 Baby Blues and Stage 3 Couch Potato. Ok, so back to some sort of point. Being the sweet and solution oriented person my hubs is, he emailed over some ppd support groups in the area as well as suggesting that I go do something for me like acupressure to help relax. Wanting to get out of this funk asap, I emailed the support group and checked out two books from Day One. The Brook Sheild's "Down Came the Rain" book and Post Partum Depression for Dummies. Honestly?!?!? Post Partum for Dummies???? Great title…I think this was the humor relief I was needing and it looked like a fab resource. But seriously, they couldn't come up with a different title ?!?! I made an appointment for reflexology that day and started taking some Omega supplements to help stabilize my mood. Somewhere between taking the supplements, reflexology and talking to a few other new mommies dealing with ppd…there was a light at the end of the tunnel with a rainbow nearby. Yes, I still have days of crying over reading "The Hungry Caterpillar" and feeling irritated out of nowhere for no reason… but overall things are looking rosy colored. Woohoo!

What getting reflexology looks like these days. Insert baby on chest :)

Already has a mind of his own...

So I am sitting here laughing at myself as I think about this post. No, I wasn't "that" neurotic pregnant woman researching every last detail about what the best baby products were and "knowing" exactly what my baby was going to need…ok, so maybe I was a little neurotic. Nonetheless, I did my research and then ebay-ed and craiglisted away when I found the baby products I knew my baby was going to love. Ha! So today, I have been busy putting a list together of all the stuff I need to sell. Why you might ask? Well, my baby has a mind of his own. He simply didn't agree with the choices I had made for him. So lets start with a few prime examples:

1. Cloth diapering: Lets face it, diapers take years and years and years to decompose in the landfill. Since my hubs owns a green demolition and hauling business and is heavy into recycling and re-use, I felt that I needed to do my part of raising this little guy as green as possible and diapers were on the top of that list. After endless hours or reading and you-tubing the different options of cloth diapering, I decided on Grovia hybrid cloth diapering system. Figuring that I simply needed to commit to this, I bought an entire package that was to last the little man till he was potty trained complete with hemp liners and a diaper sprayer. Go figure two days after I start cloth diapering the kid breaks out into the most horrible diaper rash. After talking to the pediatrician, she said that his skin cannot handle the moisture and that this will be an ongoing issue. In essence, she was saying that I am doing my kid a disservice if I continue cloth diapering because he already has sensitive skin and eczema. Seriously?!?!? But it was in my eco-baby plan to cloth diaper….arghhh!!!!

2. Bottles: So who actually thinks that their baby will not take a bottle??? I certainly was not thinking it would be me. That sort of thing happens on such a rare occasion and I figured it was some sort of scare tactic on internet baby forums. Right??? I had such grand visions of my hubs being able to feed the little man. I was so committed to this idea I bought a bottle sterilizer, breast pump, bottle warmer for the car, a slew of glass Born Free bottles with silicone sleeves, etc. So do you want the good news or bad news first? I will go with the good news…I have a great package to sell someone that has a baby who is friends with bottles. The bad news…well I guess there really is no "bad" news. One lesson I learned about my dude is that he is more of a straight from the tap kinda guy so we have become more like the dynamic duo the past 5 months :)

3.Bedside co-sleeper: Yes, another one of my fabulous visions. I saw the dude sleeping in an extension of our bed in the acclaimed Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper. He would sleep right next to the hubs and I when we were snoozing at night. I could totally picture the little guy rustling around in the sleeper and my maternal ears would hear him and then I would simply roll over to the side where his sleeper was and roll him into bed with to feed him and then roll him back to his abode. Nice plan, right??? I thought so. Small problem…he didn't. So the very cute little co-sleeper has stayed attached to our bed and served as a fabulous basket for my water, tea, magazines, cell phone, lap top, etc. for the last few months. You know if it doesn't work for the babe, it makes a wonderful bed side table for new moms.

So I guess I have learned a very valuable lesson here: I should go back to my old ways of never planning. If I don't plan for anything, I can never be disappointed in the outcome. No good can ever come from planning…LOL!

Half Empty or Half Full

Today I was reading an article on Miranda Kerr, the supermodel married to Orlando Bloom, and how much she loves her less than 3 month old body post pregnancy. I would too, she looks AMAZING! She said that watching her diet, yoga and breastfeeding is the key…I do that and more…hmmmmm

So we all know that I have been struggling with post-preggers weight loss. Prior to having a baby, I assumed that women who were unable to lose the weight were simply not disciplined. Was I wrong or what?!?! I am "that" woman who is struggling to lose the weight. I feel like I had a head start since I gained almost 60 pounds and was on bed rest. I seriously thought that as soon as I jiggled my more to love self, the weight would fly off. Ha! I would say the first 45 came off pretty fast which was awesome because I realized I ankles again. I cant even tell you how many women told me that if I was breastfeeding the weight would melt off week after week…Not even! What these women forgot to tell me is that happens to about 50% of women. I don't happen to fall into that 50%…why would I be??? It would be too easy! For those of us in the "other" 50%, I guess our bodies decided it needed extra fat stores to produce milk. I beg to differ but I am not sure who to take the complaint up with. Lol! So currently in my weight loss arsenal is Baby Boot Camp, Yoga twice a week, daily walks downtown Walnut Creek and the elliptical machine.

I am learning to become more comfortable with the extra pounds I am sporting these days but its hard. For the past few months, I have been stuffing myself in my old clothes and honestly I looked like…well how my babe looks when he outgrows his clothes every week. I guess we are two peas from the same pod, suffering from the same affliction. After too many months of feeling like an extra large sausage in a very small blanket, I bought a few new pants and tanks that fit. So while it feels good that I have a few things that fit, its hard to look at the sizes. The pants are 4 sizes larger and the tops 2 to 3. So this is where life sometimes feels like one step forward and two steps back...