Saturday, April 23, 2011

Taboo Topic #1: Who's down with PPD…I guess maybe me?

So I have gone back and forth as to write about this. I know a blog is "supposed" to be an online diary but some subjects still seem a little taboo, like this one…the dreaded post partum depression (ppd). ok, so it sorta makes me feel like a crazy person for even saying that I have been dealing with ppd. No, I am not a stage 5 Bay Bridge clinger but certainly past the "baby blues" stage. If I had to place myself in a stage, I would go with Stage 2 Cave Dweller. This stage stage includes wanting to crawl into a cave with my hubs and little guy stuffing my face full of chinese food and cupcakes. Its so funny that I have said this to a few people that I have had this and their reaction is "oh you are just adjusting to motherhood." No, I am not…well yes, I am…but my hormones are WAY more out of whack than just being a new mommy. I cant speak for everyone here but I have never really had hormonal issues until now. Somewhere in the six weeks after giving birth to the little senor, I had a few afternoons of crying while watching the Real Housewives of Somewhere…Really?!? I cried during a Bravo reality show. Oy! I should have known right there that something was wrong. I mean I love me some Bravo shows but usually they make me laugh and smile….not cry! But my strange mood appeared to be a-ok based on what I read online about post birth hormone fluctuation. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I was reading my little guy a book, "That's Not My Monster," and started crying that I knew something wasn't right. I mean it is really sad to go through the entire 8 pages of the book of why it wasnt my monster. Was it because the monster's paws were too rough or its nose was too blobby. I desperately needed to know was which one was my monster. My monster has the fluffy ears! So I am getting little off topic here, my roundabout point is that when you start bawling your eyes out reading a super cute book to your baby who is laughing, something isn't right. I called my hubs right away. Through my tears and muffled speech, I think he gathered that I was having some sort of ppd but was still safe to myself and the kiddo. So this is where I find this subject to be taboo. You shouldn't have to make it point to let someone know that you are not in post partum psychosis just some stage of depression. It seems that everyone assumes that if you are having any sort of ppd you are the Stage 5 Bay Bridge clinger which I am not. I was just somewhere else on the spectrum past Stage 1 Baby Blues and Stage 3 Couch Potato. Ok, so back to some sort of point. Being the sweet and solution oriented person my hubs is, he emailed over some ppd support groups in the area as well as suggesting that I go do something for me like acupressure to help relax. Wanting to get out of this funk asap, I emailed the support group and checked out two books from Day One. The Brook Sheild's "Down Came the Rain" book and Post Partum Depression for Dummies. Honestly?!?!? Post Partum for Dummies???? Great title…I think this was the humor relief I was needing and it looked like a fab resource. But seriously, they couldn't come up with a different title ?!?! I made an appointment for reflexology that day and started taking some Omega supplements to help stabilize my mood. Somewhere between taking the supplements, reflexology and talking to a few other new mommies dealing with ppd…there was a light at the end of the tunnel with a rainbow nearby. Yes, I still have days of crying over reading "The Hungry Caterpillar" and feeling irritated out of nowhere for no reason… but overall things are looking rosy colored. Woohoo!
What getting reflexology looks like these days. Insert baby on chest :)

1 comment:

  1. Love it!! I know you've been told that it's totally normal.. but my doc told me there will be days where I'm feeling overwhelmed yadda, yadda, yadda... but if I feel like throwing my little man out a window (hurts to even type that) then call someone. I measure it with that. Granted I've always been a pretty emotional person. Aren't husbands great?!! Prayers are with you!